i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
