He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
