wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
