Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
