Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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