great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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