She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
