you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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