Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There r osticjed everywhere
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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