paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
