your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
