Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
