somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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