Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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