Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
