HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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