I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
