so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
