im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
