my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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