Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
