my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
