went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ruined the universe
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
