I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize