My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
