Porn is love you can see.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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