Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
