if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
