Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize