where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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