My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
