Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
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