im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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