why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
