can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
