i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
