ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
