I didn't shave. On purpose
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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