I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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