Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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