Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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