hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
