i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
