Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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