Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i out mim tonsoeep
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