he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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