Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
