Are we in a gay sports bar?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
