he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
