Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
