i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
