Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
