I will die if light touches me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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