I seem to have left my pride at pride
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
