how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
