i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
