The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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