I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
