I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
