Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
