dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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