omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
