He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
