dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
