Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
