The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
