just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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