so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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