doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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