You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
