its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
