My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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