She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
NoShamevember. You game?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
