my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
