definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the day after is always just damage control
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
