Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found your dick twin last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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