All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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