so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize