In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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