I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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