She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
