My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
