im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found puke in my bra..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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