dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
